I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
