He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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