gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
