So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
