I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
