First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
