don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
