oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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