FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
