4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
