Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed