So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
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you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
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my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband