Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE