What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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