He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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