He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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