I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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