can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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