just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
