Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
