by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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