ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
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who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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