I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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