Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
