So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
