You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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