Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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