I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
