Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
