Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
