i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
