Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
