Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
