i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
only you would photoshop your dick
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
