He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
