This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
