that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You made out with two different species that night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
