Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
