HIV tests are more positive than that guy
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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