Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
