OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
