There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
