piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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