No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
