Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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