Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
