well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
