Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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