either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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