I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
