So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
