and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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