Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
