I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
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you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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