I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
