did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
