ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
