The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
