this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
honey bunches of taint.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
