Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
