so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
