I got chris browned last night
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
