I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
