hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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