Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
