Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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