At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
