I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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